Post storm in a teacup

Yesterday we agreed to move in together, like as soon as I move, not eventually. I'm so happy. Everything I was scared of seems to be a distant memory. 

Things with university however are becoming difficult. It makes me feel as though everything would be easier if I was dead. Don't worry I'm not suicidal. Nor am I depressed. These are thoughts of complete clarity and sobriety. Emotionless almost. Of course everything would be easier if the person in question was dead, no worries, no fears, no problems. But then you wouldn't get to experience living, the small things that bring a smile to my face, walking barefoot in the grass, having the warm sea washing around my ankles, the sun on my shoulders or feeling the sea breeze carry my problems away and the bigger feelings, pride when I see my sister marching in a parade, the smile on the love of my life's face when he looks at me, the feeling of holding him close and the feeling of satisfaction when my dad tells me how proud he is of me. See, even though I feel like it would be easier if I died, I think of all the things I have to live for, my family, my friends, those moments.

If  I ever get scared about the future again, this will be what I try to think about. 

Much Love,

Panda Girl 2 
xxx