Storm in a teacup

So now I've calmed down. I know exactly what triggered it. But I don't want to think about it for fear of starting over again. And the thought of this person triggering it is very saddening to me.

Looking back on last night, its weird, like I wasn't really myself, I was irrational, rapidly breathing and not thinking straight. I didn't do it if you were wondering. I managed to swerve it around. Thanks largely on part to my friends. What fabulous people they are. After I had calmed down I decided to take some ibuprofen in the hope it would make me sleep - it did - mid conversation with one of the friends that has supported me from the start. Woke up at 6 am to find my light and laptop still on :/

8 days until I go back to uni. Back home. I cannot wait. For I fear the longer I stay here, the harder it will be to pull myself out of this self destruct mode. It is getting increasingly harder to keep my thoughts on track. When it gets hard I just think about making it back to uni. Its turned into my safe-zone. If I can get there, I can get back to the happy me :)

I saw my uneducated, egoTESTICLE uncle yesterday. Spent the day telling me I was his 'employee' therefore did not need to say please when he ordered me to get him a drink. Apparently employing someone deems manners obsolete. This statement would be dumb even if I was his 'employee'. Sad matter of the fact is I am helping my nan, so if the label would have to be thrown into the mix I would be her employee. Just another self obsessed idiot claiming power through their parents. This didn't bother me so much. Not really. Its one of those *think what an idiot he is then move on with my life* moments. Then he punched me. Hard. Not full force but enough to make my skin sting. Why? Because of a stupid USB memory pen. My granddad asked if it was mine, I said no (having not seen it in years - it was my granddad's)  he looked at me puzzled and I continued on describing it, saying the lid had a neck piece to hang around his neck. He looked at me again and asked where it was (like I said I hadn't seen this thing for years, not since I was younger) When I replied I had no idea, my uncle hit me. How the hell was I meant to know that?! He buys so much electrical crap he can't keep up with it, pair that with my nan's need to throw anything and everything away she can get her hands on  and it's a recipe for disaster.

Moral of the story?
Friends really are the family you choose :)

Much Love

Panda Girl 2 
xxxxx